Gifted and Twice Exceptional Children
Social labels such as “gifted” focus on the outside of a child (how they appear to others)— not the child’s inner experience.
“Gifted child” is a term with varied definitions in our society. Often it is an educational distinction, a child flagged by teacher observation or testing as exceptionally bright or high performing. Others define gifted as having an IQ above 125 or 130 (an estimated 2% of the population). The stereotype of a gifted child is white, wealthy, high-achieving, academically focused, and otherwise neurotypical, probably because our school systems are selecting these types of kids for gifted and talented programming at disproportionately high rates (Grissom & Redding, 2018; Grissom, Redding, & Bleiburg, 2019; Smolowitz, 2021).
However, few gifted folks would agree that giftedness is about performing well on tests.
Instead, the inner experience or emotional landscape of giftedness tends to revolve around a few core themes. I’ll list examples of how each might “show up” in the daily life of a gifted child:
Emotional Intensity and Sensitivity
Precocious, strong empathic abilities
Angry outbursts, crying spells, and meltdowns seemingly out-of-proportion to the trigger
Emotions are often profoundly intense, long-lasting, and difficult to regulate, from euphoria to despair
High sensitivity to shame; ruminating about mistakes or blaming others, minimizing or denying poor choices
Struggling emotionally with the content of tv, books, and other media geared toward kids their age
Sensory Depth and Overstimulation
Unrestrained joy related to sensory input; for example, crying happy tears during a symphony or sunset
Difficulty tolerating crowds, bright lights, or loud sounds
Sensory-related meltdowns or shutdowns
Aversion to socks, seams, sticky fingers, florescent lights, the loud flush of public toilets, etc.
Anxiety and The Drive to Perfect
Strong preference for routine, structure, traditions, and rituals
Inflexibility, trouble with transitions or changes in plans
Difficulty sleeping, feeling keyed up, tense
Frequent headaches, stomachaches, other somatic complaints
Extremely high expectations for self and others
Heightened contentiousness
Hypersensitivity to failure, mistakes, and frustration
Avoiding challenging or new activities
Compelling sense of responsibility when witness to injustice; high risk for moral injury
Idealism and Existential Depression
Idealistic, visionary
Often highly directive in play with peers, struggling to let go of their initial vision to collaborate
Panic or depression over the state of the world
Worries about climate crisis, animal extinction, homelessness, and other complex issues
Profound fears, questions, racing thoughts, or crying spells related to existential concerns, often at bedtime
Social Alienation
Chronically feeling lonely, inexplicably different or alienated, even amongst “friends”
Extremely high expectations of others leading to chronic disappointment, discouragement in relationships
Relating more to teachers or older children than fellow students; taking on a mentoring, caregiving, “therapist” or “teacher” role with peers
Intellectual Yearning
Constant questioning, exploring, craving for more information
Nonstop “why” and “how” questions; distress when left without answers
Experiences of intellectual understimulation in many environments, resulting in feeling chronically unsettled, anxious, restless, distracted, annoyed or “intellectually starving”
Chronic boredom may result in loss of respect for authority figures, or be misdiagnosed as ADHD, anxiety, or depression
Educational Adjustment Issues and Complex Trauma
Calling out, trouble sitting still, lack of cooperation with teachers, daydreaming, or joylessly “going through the motions” in school
Loss of respect for authority, love of learning, or motivation
Underachievement or hyperfocus on achievement
Masking high intelligence/skills, personal values, emotional intensity, or other elements of self in order to camouflage and fit in with peers or school culture
Difficulty finding a “good fit” school, many changes in school
Autoimmune conditions such as allergies, food sensitivities, irritable bowel syndrome, eczema, asthma, often quite responsive to emotional stress
Although the term “gifted” seems to convey only benefits or positives, the reality is much more complex.
I believe that the inner, emotional experience of giftedness is more defining than any psychological test or standardized measurement. Tests cannot capture the human experience, and self-diagnosis is valid.
A child’s neurotype is a “value neutral” trait. Our society puts value onto different neurotypes, but our brains are not good or bad, right or wrong. We are all unique, and this is beautiful.
I believe gifted children are an extremely diverse group that come from all backgrounds and walks of life. Not all gifted children are readily labeled by their school system as such; not all gifted children test well or have strong academic motivation. Many have a mental health diagnosis or learning disability in addition to their giftedness, making them “twice exceptional,” or 2E. Gifted and 2E children are a vulnerable minority group, navigating a society, culture, and educational system designed for neurotypical brains. Of course it’s not always smooth sailing!
How can therapy help gifted and 2E children?
Identify, celebrate, and find ways to feed your child’s strengths
Learn which struggles are normative to giftedness in general, and which may be related to a mental health diagnosis or learning disability
Reduce risks for poor frustration tolerance, perfectionism, depression, and autoimmune conditions
Find compensatory strategies for areas of struggle
Locate and/or build the most supportive contexts and cultures for your child’s unique neurotype
Help your child feel authentically seen and understood as they develop their core sense of self
Get extra help advocating and collaborating with teachers, caregivers, coaches, and other community members to tangibly and practically meet your child’s complex needs in the day-to-day
Help your child develop resilience, self-acceptance, self-love, and self-advocacy skills within a society designed for neurotypical brains
Give your child a mirror for their unique and awesome self!