There is no “one right way” to help a struggling child. There is no one to blame. Everyone is doing the best they can in a worrisome, frustrating, baffling situation. Even on the good days, you're careful. You're tired of having your hope smashed to bits. Plus, you’re just tired.
I know. When I worked at a therapeutic boarding school, I was asked to take 8 pre-teens under my wing. Their parents scattered all across the world, I was "their person" in day-to-day life. It wasn't the same as being a parent, but there's something profound that happens to your heart when you are the 24/7 on-call, go-to person for a troubled child who hasn't hugged their parents in months.
In addition to being extraordinary, these kids were really struggling. I've been yelled at, hit, kicked, scratched, bitten, spat on, lied to, stolen from, and called all the names in the book. I know about losing sleep worrying, feeling defeated when yet another strategy doesn't work, getting angry calls from teachers, and being woken up in the middle of the night to a full-on crisis. I know the feeling of chasing after someone who doesn't want to be caught, holding someone who wants to hurt themself, loving someone who wishes they were never born. I know the heartbreak of it. The aloneness and fear, the immense frustration, the not knowing what to do. . .
And, I've also come out on the other side of crisis! Multiple times!
